Barnkarwod is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, selfish meerkat.

Barnkarwod created the Whirlpool Galaxy four million years ago.

If you believe in Barnkarwod, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Barnkarwod, he will refuse to believe in you.

Barnkarwod's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Barnkarwod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Barnkarwod must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Always treat nematodes with great respect.

4. Do not shave your feet.

5. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.