Lipquaftun is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, vain monkey.

Lipquaftun created life eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lipquaftun, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Lipquaftun, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Lipquaftun's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Lipquaftun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt sheep.

2. Worship no other gods but Lipquaftun.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. You must love Lipquaftun.

5. Never play with disobedient children.