Gamqueegarf is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, pitiless aardvark.

Gamqueegarf created parasitic wasps three billion years ago.

If you believe in Gamqueegarf, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gamqueegarf, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gamqueegarf's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Gamqueegarf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Retreat if five doves approach from the east.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Gamqueegarf.

4. Never go into magenta rooms.

5. Always make sure there are no badgers in a room before entering it.