Vonvilcib Mifjatquill is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, fast gorilla.

Vonvilcib Mifjatquill created dark energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonvilcib Mifjatquill, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Vonvilcib Mifjatquill, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Vonvilcib Mifjatquill's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Vonvilcib Mifjatquill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat aubergines.

2. Put Vonvilcib Mifjatquill first in all things.

3. Vonvilcib Mifjatquill must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Erect nine gold sculptures of Vonvilcib Mifjatquill on top of important buildings.