Pomquathotlen is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, witty squid.

Pomquathotlen created vertebrates six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pomquathotlen, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Pomquathotlen, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Pomquathotlen's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Pomquathotlen's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never feed bread to hamsters while wearing shorts.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Feed all hungry swans.

5. Do not utter prayers while touching carbon.