Hotvanzak is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, weak tapir.

Hotvanzak created tapeworms two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hotvanzak, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Hotvanzak, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Hotvanzak's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Hotvanzak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear shoes marked with turquoise.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hotvanzak.

3. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

4. Do not consume beans at dawn.

5. Always stare at clouds.