Vagsitnel is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, ruthless guinea pig.

Vagsitnel created the planet Jupiter five million years ago.

If you believe in Vagsitnel, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Vagsitnel, he will turn you into a plant.

Vagsitnel's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Vagsitnel's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Vagsitnel.

2. Never remain kneeling at dusk.

3. Always wear plain tights during rituals.

4. Aardvarks are not to be trusted.

5. Always pray immersed in water.