Vedquamtig is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, blissful meerkat.

Vedquamtig created Africa eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vedquamtig, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Vedquamtig, she will turn you into a hamster.

Vedquamtig's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Vedquamtig's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed melons to bats while wearing green skirts.

2. Never tolerate songs in holy places.

3. Never eat turnips.

4. Never travel toward the south during autumn.

5. Never feed gooseberries to doves while wearing jumpers.