Tikpakstip is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, self-assured hippopotamus.

Tikpakstip created time and space three million years ago.

If you believe in Tikpakstip, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tikpakstip, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tikpakstip's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Tikpakstip's Holy Commandments

1. Put Tikpakstip first in all things.

2. Do not place carrots upon stone.

3. Never allow foxes to witness sacred rites.

4. Do not utter prayers while touching silver.

5. You must never eat tomatoes.