Gepcarnart is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, dishonourable naga.

Gepcarnart created Asia eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gepcarnart, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gepcarnart, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Gepcarnart's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Gepcarnart's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat carrots.

2. Do not wear jumpers marked with pink.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gepcarnart.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.