Monlam is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, two-faced swallow.

Monlam created the Sol system two years ago.

If you believe in Monlam, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Monlam, she will boil you in a big pot.

Monlam's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Monlam's Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare lemons during autumn.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never think about quantum gravity near dolphins while wearing blue skirts and balancing five carbon spheres on your arms.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never wear tights.