Hivjarnkem is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, quiet duck.

Hivjarnkem created a charm quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hivjarnkem, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Hivjarnkem, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Hivjarnkem's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Hivjarnkem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never speak at dawn.

4. Pray only in shadows.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.