Yarllogvil is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, happy spider.

Yarllogvil created a bottom quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarllogvil, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Yarllogvil, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Yarllogvil's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Yarllogvil's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about enzymes.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Yarllogvil.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.

5. Always wear plain dresses during rituals.