Kadyarrig Dossyattarm is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, selfish tapir.

Kadyarrig Dossyattarm created the universe five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kadyarrig Dossyattarm, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Kadyarrig Dossyattarm, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Kadyarrig Dossyattarm's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Kadyarrig Dossyattarm's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Kadyarrig Dossyattarm nine times a day.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Do not contemplate quantum field theory during the night.

4. Never talk about special relativity near frogs while wearing pink skirts.

5. Always stare at clouds.