Bassmadlam is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, omnipotent ant.

Bassmadlam created Europe seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bassmadlam, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Bassmadlam, he will not care at all.

Bassmadlam's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Bassmadlam's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Bassmadlam in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never eat lentils.

4. Do not leap at crossroads.

5. Feed all hungry aardvarks.