Hamlabquatgep is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, calm goose.

Hamlabquatgep created the Sol system seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hamlabquatgep, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hamlabquatgep, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Hamlabquatgep's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Hamlabquatgep's Holy Commandments

1. Always wash your arms before prayer.

2. Do not shave your hands.

3. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.

4. Do not study archaea on holy days.

5. Never laugh in holy places.