Tonnurlanlan is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, prudent porpoise.

Tonnurlanlan created the world eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonnurlanlan, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Tonnurlanlan, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Tonnurlanlan's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Tonnurlanlan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Never look at galaxies.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Tonnurlanlan loves porpoises, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not dye your hair yellow.