Timtafzed is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, omniscient newt.

Timtafzed created humankind eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Timtafzed, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Timtafzed, he will turn you into a goat.

Timtafzed's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Timtafzed's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather eight sheep in one place.

2. Do not name children after birds.

3. Never talk about nucleic acids.

4. Retreat if seven manatees approach from the west.

5. Do not leap in public.