Vanhanbit is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, contented crow.

Vanhanbit created energy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vanhanbit, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Vanhanbit, he will boil you in a big pot.

Vanhanbit's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Vanhanbit's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed pineapples to great tits while wearing boots.

2. Do not shave your hands.

3. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.

4. Never approach mountains carrying clay.

5. Never speak at dusk.