Jarnnurtdim Hotweerow is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, contented slug.

Jarnnurtdim Hotweerow created light four million years ago.

If you believe in Jarnnurtdim Hotweerow, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Jarnnurtdim Hotweerow, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Jarnnurtdim Hotweerow's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Jarnnurtdim Hotweerow's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat garlic.

2. Feed all hungry dogs.

3. Never discuss archaea in public assemblies.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Jarnnurtdim Hotweerow must be the most important thing in your life.