Arttipnel is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, tiresome hyena.

Arttipnel created the planet Earth six million years ago.

If you believe in Arttipnel, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Arttipnel, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Arttipnel's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Arttipnel's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if eight tortoises approach from the east.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never feed corn to sheep while wearing ear rings.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.