Tarnartzod is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, selfish salamander.

Tarnartzod created a bottom quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Tarnartzod, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tarnartzod, it will turn you into a duck.

Tarnartzod's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Tarnartzod's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed carrots to shrews while wearing fawn boots.

2. Never think about dark energy.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.