Hapfatpang is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, benevolent monkey.

Hapfatpang created the planet Mars three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapfatpang, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Hapfatpang, she will ignore you.

Hapfatpang's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Hapfatpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about fluid mechanics near eagles while wearing brown rings and balancing six silicon spheres on your legs.

2. Do not wear orange clothing.

3. Never write about comets.

4. You must pray to Hapfatpang three times a day.

5. Always stare at clouds.