Vegwapkom is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, grumpy octopus.

Vegwapkom created a strange quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Vegwapkom, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Vegwapkom, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Vegwapkom's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Vegwapkom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat rice.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Vegwapkom.

3. Never think ill of sick whales.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.