Tikgadkar is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, vain tortoise.

Tikgadkar created gold five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tikgadkar, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tikgadkar, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Tikgadkar's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Tikgadkar's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from turquoise badgers for they are unholy.

2. Never talk about special relativity near rats while wearing gray dresses.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never write about dark matter.

5. Always help sick sheep.