Staftettidub is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, impressive jaguar.

Staftettidub created energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Staftettidub, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Staftettidub, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Staftettidub's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Staftettidub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your neck.

2. You must pray to Staftettidub eight times a day.

3. Erect a giant yellow sculpture of Staftettidub in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never hurt moths.

5. Run away from pink birds, for they are unholy.