Bam Tikjabzed is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, selfish snake.

Bam Tikjabzed created the world two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bam Tikjabzed, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Bam Tikjabzed, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Bam Tikjabzed's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Bam Tikjabzed's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt ants.

2. Do not keep five pigs in a large pit.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Always look after injured mites.