Zedtadlitkonsaf is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, stupid aardvark.

Zedtadlitkonsaf created the Tadpole Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Zedtadlitkonsaf, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Zedtadlitkonsaf, he will not care.

Zedtadlitkonsaf's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Zedtadlitkonsaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear silver on your body.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never talk about bacteria.

4. Run away if eight great tits approach from the south.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.