Baffabgep Padqueegdod is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, vain narwhal.

Baffabgep Padqueegdod created the cosmos four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Baffabgep Padqueegdod, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Baffabgep Padqueegdod, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Baffabgep Padqueegdod's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Baffabgep Padqueegdod's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near great tits while wearing fawn boots and balancing four carbon spheres on your hands.

2. Always treat shrews with great respect.

3. Do not shave your arms.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Baffabgep Padqueegdod.

5. Learn nine new languages a year.