Quartduttag Appkipbestlan is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, cheerful deer.

Quartduttag Appkipbestlan created the planet Mars seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartduttag Appkipbestlan, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Quartduttag Appkipbestlan, she will turn you into a puffin.

Quartduttag Appkipbestlan's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Quartduttag Appkipbestlan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about foxes.

2. Never feed strawberries to pigs while wearing rings.

3. Hide from gray horses for they are unholy.

4. Never write about nebulae.

5. Never wear tights.