Fatgovcan is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, narcissistic whale.

Fatgovcan created life five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fatgovcan, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Fatgovcan, it will turn you into a dog.

Fatgovcan's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Fatgovcan's Holy Commandments

1. Snakes are not to be trusted.

2. Worship no other gods but Fatgovcan.

3. Never eat bark.

4. You must pray to Fatgovcan five times a day.

5. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.