Mitwabdad is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, egotistical tortoise.

Mitwabdad created tapeworms four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mitwabdad, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Mitwabdad, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Mitwabdad's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Mitwabdad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about electromagnetism near bats while wearing mauve trousers and balancing four platinum spheres on your back.

2. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Learn nine new languages a year.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.