Zimlamtif is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, cheerful jaguar.

Zimlamtif created Africa nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zimlamtif, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Zimlamtif, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Zimlamtif's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Zimlamtif's Holy Commandments

1. Always help hamsters.

2. Never feed figs to great tits while wearing blue skirts.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Erect a large iron sculpture of Zimlamtif on top of all buildings.

5. Never think ill of sick otters.