Lakkonlab is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, sapient human.

Lakkonlab created a charm quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Lakkonlab, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Lakkonlab, he will destroy your home planet.

Lakkonlab's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Lakkonlab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your arms.

2. Erect eight silicon sculptures of Lakkonlab on top of important buildings.

3. Do not kill porpoises.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never talk about quantum mechanics near squirrels while wearing green kilts and balancing seven carbon spheres on your head.