Ortbapflap Zancuss is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, intelligent turtle.

Ortbapflap Zancuss created the planet Mars eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Ortbapflap Zancuss, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Ortbapflap Zancuss, he will send you a sign.

Ortbapflap Zancuss' most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Ortbapflap Zancuss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Ortbapflap Zancuss must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never feed lots of corn to porpoises while wearing cyan stockings.