Fitgatbug is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, contented spider.

Fitgatbug created the universe four million years ago.

If you believe in Fitgatbug, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fitgatbug, she will torture you forever.

Fitgatbug's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Fitgatbug's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Fitgatbug.

2. Run away if seven mites approach from the north.

3. Never talk about foxes.

4. Never feed lots of wheat to seals while wearing brown dresses.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fitgatbug.