Flappiggen is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, charitable dryad.

Flappiggen created tapeworms two billion years ago.

If you believe in Flappiggen, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Flappiggen, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Flappiggen's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Flappiggen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce in public.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near shrews while wearing gray shorts and balancing seven lead spheres on your feet.

4. Never run near rats.

5. Never think about dark energy near ducks while wearing cyan rings and balancing six copper spheres on your back.