Flapkikhen Kemgilgep is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, generous tortoise.

Flapkikhen Kemgilgep created the world twelve years ago.

If you believe in Flapkikhen Kemgilgep, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Flapkikhen Kemgilgep, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Flapkikhen Kemgilgep's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Flapkikhen Kemgilgep's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear zinc on your body.

2. Run away from magenta moths, for they are unholy.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Never talk about nucleic acids.

5. Put Flapkikhen Kemgilgep first in all things.