Jophomrul is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, irritating snail.

Jophomrul created water five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jophomrul, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Jophomrul, she will turn you into a hamster.

Jophomrul's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Jophomrul's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your arms.

2. Always treat doves with great respect.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never talk about solid mechanics near porpoises while wearing orange boots and balancing five copper spheres on your back.

5. Never write about moons.