Xenmil is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, omnipotent slug.

Xenmil created dark energy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Xenmil, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Xenmil, she will remove you from existence.

Xenmil's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Xenmil's Holy Commandments

1. Never leap in the presence of swans.

2. Always help sick bats.

3. Xenmil loves voles, so they must be respected.

4. Never think about quantum mechanics near frogs while wearing black skirts and balancing five iron spheres on your back.

5. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Xenmil on top of all buildings.