Hivbemmitwip is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, moody jaguar.

Hivbemmitwip created the planet Mars five billion years ago.

If you believe in Hivbemmitwip, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hivbemmitwip, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Hivbemmitwip's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Hivbemmitwip's Holy Commandments

1. Always help snails in need.

2. Worship no other gods but Hivbemmitwip.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never talk about chromosomes.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.