Jonarfflis is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, boastful wolf.

Jonarfflis created Europe two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonarfflis, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Jonarfflis, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Jonarfflis' most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Jonarfflis' Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.

3. Never feed melons to squirrels while wearing hats.

4. Never hop near ducks.

5. Jonarfflis must be the most important thing in your life.