Zagvagboss is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, witless narwhal.

Zagvagboss created humankind four million years ago.

If you believe in Zagvagboss, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Zagvagboss, she will have a low opinion of you.

Zagvagboss' most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Zagvagboss' Holy Commandments

1. Voles are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. You must never eat cherries.

4. Run away from white dogs, for they are unholy.

5. Do not shave your arms.