Tifkamhabjab is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, sage dryad.

Tifkamhabjab created light six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifkamhabjab, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tifkamhabjab, she will boil you in a big pot.

Tifkamhabjab's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Tifkamhabjab's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never talk about fluid mechanics.

4. Draw representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not dye your hair orange.