Jabspagmis is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, unthinking owl.

Jabspagmis created light twelve years ago.

If you believe in Jabspagmis, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Jabspagmis, he will turn you into a tree.

Jabspagmis' most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Jabspagmis' Holy Commandments

1. Never feed nuts to dolphins while wearing hats.

2. Never talk about gravity near ducks while wearing orange trousers.

3. Do not eat cucumbers.

4. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Never talk about turtles.