Vonkgemmut is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, resourceful yak.

Vonkgemmut created the Small Magellanic Cloud nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkgemmut, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vonkgemmut, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Vonkgemmut's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Vonkgemmut's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in blue.

2. Never talk about tortoises.

3. Erect a giant black sculpture of Vonkgemmut in the centre of the settlement.

4. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never paint your back pink.