Dibtoffitgil is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, narcissistic scorpion.

Dibtoffitgil created the planet Mars eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dibtoffitgil, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Dibtoffitgil, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Dibtoffitgil's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Dibtoffitgil's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from orange horses for they are unholy.

2. Never think about eukaryotes.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Seals are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never sit in the presence of dolphins.