Canquimvab is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, staggering skunk.

Canquimvab created Africa five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Canquimvab, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Canquimvab, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Canquimvab's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Canquimvab's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never wear scarves.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Canquimvab on top of all buildings.

5. Learn four new languages a year.