Hatnulzak is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, stupid squirrel.

Hatnulzak created time and space eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatnulzak, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hatnulzak, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Hatnulzak's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Hatnulzak's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the north.

2. Never think about dwarf planets.

3. Never write about chlorophyll.

4. Never talk about special relativity near dolphins while wearing red scarves and balancing six carbon spheres on your neck.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.